The Boarding House

By: Vern Harden

Welcome to the Home Sweet Home Boardinghouse, where life is anything but normal. 

Miss Harriet runs a clean, cozy home with the help of the none-too-bright and perpetually terrified Tweenie, and accompanied by as zany a cast of boarders as you are likely to meet.  There’s Mr. Richards, the poet who practices dying to spark his inspiration.  Gladys Klotz is a taxidermist who has a direct line to the spirit world and prefers her men stuffed, while Martha Willis has every imaginable illness, from leprosy to pneumonia to heart palpitations…  and loves every minute of it.  Poor Hortense tries her best to keep up with Ivy, a free spirited ’artist’ who enjoys painting people’s faces, whether they want to be painted or not.  Finally, the suave and mysterious Dirk Shadow and his sister Veronica have just arrived on the scene to hunt for Captain Schnook’s pirate treasure buried in the basement…  or is it really just something left over from dinner?  Leave it to the clever and ever-vigilant Dr. Sni-fell to unravel the mystery that will have audiences laughing from beginning to end.

Performance Dates: May 18-21, 2023
Audition Dates: March 13 & 14, 2023

For more information, visit the show page on Pioneer Drama
Open Positions: DirectorProducer

Character List:

Harriet – Gives motherly advice to everyone, works at curing the ills of the world with cod-liver oil and a rolled up newspaper
Tweenie – A none-too smart serving girl who is “tween” jobs, shuffles about, frightened of everyone and everything, knows the world is out to “do harm.”
Mr. Richards – Determined to be the world’s greatest writer just as soon as he finds inspiration. He is learning his craft of writing murder mysteries by attempting to kill people and being killed himself… until he decides to become a poet, a handyman, and (accidentally) a husband.
Martha Willis – First-class hypochondriac, cheerfully getting and discussing every disease known to mankind: “His nose fell right off and he stepped on it. That’s a punishment, you know.”
Gladys Klotz – A Lady taxidermist who talks to various spirits, including that of her dead husband which she keeps in the closet.
Dirk Shadow – The perfect gentleman: dresses in black, charms the ladies, searches for the lost treasure and will stop at nothing. His personality fluctuates from the suave sophisticate to the temperamental child.
Ivy – A continually cheerful resident whose one great passion is painting (anyone she can catch).
Hortense – Ivy’s nurse and keeper.
Veronica – Dirk’s sister, tries to keep her brother out of trouble.
Dr. Sni-fell – A somewhat absent-minded, nearsighted retired practitioner who has trouble keeping his patients straight, but he has a cure – for everything.